There. I did it. I finally popped the question.

It's also our first conversation in so long.

Nope, didn't manage to see that girl again. Bummer.

Anyway, today marks the end of my life in Polytechnic. And like what I've been telling others it's been more of sadness than happiness. #truestory

I leave with no regrets except for one -- having chosen this course is the biggest current mistake in my life. I should have taken education more seriously. When I think back about the time and money (not mine) that I've wasted, it feels like a huge boulder weighing down on my chest.

Let this be a good lesson learnt -- and that is to never stay for anyone for any reason. No matter how special she is, no matter how lazy you are, or no matter how many friends you use to have. Because they'll all vanish if you don't make any effort to appreciate them. Mine did, to say the least. 

Because of my tardiness, I lost something that should have been mine. I know I've lamented over this for the umpteenth time, but still... I can't let go.

Thank god for AutoComplete. I was having trouble remembering the URL to my blog. True story.

Anyway, while on the school today I saw this girl... she was kinda plain looking, but the simplicity was just beautiful. It made me want to keep looking at her. Unfortunately, I only got to look at her back.

I wanna see this girl again.

Looking back, it seems like I've traveled a long road. I've matured since back then, and the theme of this blog has long wandered off course.

Initially this blog was started up to express my gaming interests experiences as well as rants; from then on it started to digress, slowly into topic of romance, romance and then more romance.

But how is there romance without a relationship!?

I concur.

Let us not delve into this topic, however, lest it stirs up unwanted emotions.

It's been an enriching experience throughout the years studying in my Polytechnic; it is soon to come to an end, one to which I cannot justify whether to rejoice or to regret. It's been hard, and boring, and.. I don't know. Just can't put my finger on it.

Maturity is soon setting in, reality is hitting like a bullet train; fast and hard. The first 20 years of my life have lapsed, how am I going to spend the next 20? In poverty or in a posh manner? Will I be able to get along with my spouse? Will I dote on my children? Will I do anything to disappoint them? Will I love my parents as much as I do currently?

Only one thing is constant - and that is change. Thank you, Captain Obvious!

Indeed, change is always taking place. When will my next opportunity to love come knocking on the door? Why am I always probing this question? Since it's the only question I cannot find an answer to, the only solution is to...

AVOID IT!

Lately, just lately, I've started to get along with my friends a bit more... think they're starting to understand me now. I guess they've seen the efforts I've been making to curb my temperamental nature. Nowadays, it's harder to get mad than to stay cool. Guess we're all growing into adults now. That's good news.




 

It's very, very annoying to see people posting emo messages every now and then.

FYI, you don't really need to act your part when you're a full blown emo-"kid".

That's because emo people don't like the presence of crowds - they prefer to be alone.

What's worse is they LIKE being alone.

Commonly confused with depression, the term "emo" henceforth is always overused in a wrong manner.

Then again depression is commonly confused with low self-esteem. Seriously, when you think you look bad and nobody wants you, just remember the ugly guy you met earlier in the afternoon who has his hands by the waist of a hot 1.65m chick with wavy hair carrying a branded bag. Yes, nowadays the atrocities of mankind get to fuck off from the shelves, even if it's only temporary and usually ends up in the worst scenario.

Just like the term "troll".

This I deem -- unacceptable.

Case closed.

On the bright side, at least we're ahead of schedule.

And at least I don't have to worry about tomorrow. Ah, the road to Saturday will now be a smooth one.

6 years of friendship and this is the little respect I get. Yes, get a good-looking boyfriend and everything starts changing. You can play the role of the Queen, ask for treats without the slightest trace of shame, ask for favors and sugarcoating your words just for that moment and then chucking them aside like old, outworn lingerie when you do not have any business left with them.

Yes, these are the friends I have. And now that I have realized it, it's probably time to tell these people to fuck off. Indeed, the time is apt. I'm honestly tired of playing the nice guy and trying to make amends where I deem necessary, which may or may not be significant at all to the person in question. Since she doesn't think it's necessary, then why should I go on like this? Does sleep matter so much? Does she not even have the decency to turn off her Wi-Fi to disallow any further WhatsApp notifications so that she can go back to sleep? Does she really need to leave the conversation just because I felt that I wasn't in the wrong and I wanted to make a stand? Does she not feel that she owes me an apology for the rude manner she displayed earlier in the afternoon? I waited and waited, but it never came.

Call me overly-sensitive, but I feel that I deserve some respect in one way or another. She could have at least told us to keep it down instead of entering the conversation with a "fuck". Ah well, I guess this marks the end of a long friendship. No wonder living is so hard.
It felt nice pretending you weren't there today - I'm still really good at this.

Nah, stupid of me to even think of that in the first place.. all I needed to know was told to me in the last part of the movie.

I wasn't even thinking of her, not even for a second. How misguided I could be, I thought.

Upon realisation, I promptly decided that this must not go on. Our attitudes don't fit as well, but it's been only recently since I've found out about this.

Mismatch of horoscopes? Possibly. They play it real nice when they need help; when they don't, you'll need to leave them alone because they don't give a fuck about what's going on in your life.

But isn't the same said for the others? I don't know. This is probably all I need to know.

Do you know how fucked up this feels? To be constantly reminded again and again and only to realize what I really want in the end. 

It was never her. Ever since she got attached with him, I've been treating her like a sister. It was never love. Confusion set in because this was a new feeling.. I wasn't sure. It also explains why I came to terms with their engagement shortly thereafter. She and I could argue all day long - but we just couldn't sit down and calmly talk about such matters with both of us feeling sober (though there never has been a time when she poured her feelings out when she was drunk, not that I've witnessed any)

But now that I do realize, next time I see her, I wanna hold her hand and tell her that waiting wasn't the most ideal solution; that I'm ready to stop being a coward and just as ready to take a bold step forward. I wanna tell her that she is the girl I wanna spend the rest of my life with. I wanna tell her I need to be the one to love her because I can't trust anyone to love her as much as I do. I wanna tell her my life has been miserable without her. I wanna tell her so much, in so little time.

A friend once wondered, if everything could be perfect. Everything is perfect, it's whether you want to embrace it in open arms or not. I never expected such a day like yesterday to come by, and that in itself presents a new opportunity for us to start afresh. I am confused no longer. Snapped out of it I have, wait the last wait if I have to and then I will raise the question once more.

The low and breezy waves have long tided over, and now its time to ride the big waves. This time, however, I am ready. I will wait patiently till we meet again, and I'll do whatever I have to to get you back by my side.

If however, things don't work out even as thoroughly planned, then the reason had better be good sex; really really good sex. 

Would be nice to return to Facebook.. but I don't change my mind that easily. Certainly not when it's for the sole purpose of entertainment.

There are much better things to regret.


And why the cold shoulder?