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To witness the true embodiment of true deception itself -- shocking.

In retrospect, it all seems clear when all the pieces of the puzzle are put together; I wasn't the real reason things started to go awry.

I always had this nagging feeling that something was constantly amiss and true enough, it's amazing how one could stoop to such means to seek validation, or temporary refuge rather, for oneself.

I now honestly wish I never ever knew you.

Mar. 27th, 2018

It's understandable - only the strongest would survive in these conditions anyway.

Perhaps your love for the game has died, but I hope you didn't find me incursive at that point in time.

It's bout time this account returned to its rightful owner anyway; I've been hogging it for long enough.

With this, I leave you with a parting gift.

It's been nice knowing you, Serena.
It had to be fatigue, that's what I tried telling myself.

But it still wasn't enough reason to lose it just like that. The moment you went silent after your apologies could not have been more coherent; the nice guy image you had of me was torn to shreds in that instant.

"It's fine, it's fine."

Yet the tone didn't seem to be in tandem with my attempts to alleviate the situation.

I brushed it off (or tried to), thinking that you might have already drank yourself into a stupor by then, but the next day I received the confirmation I didn't need - the unusual silence actually persisted throughout that night.

Though you're just a friend, I don't really like the idea of being labelled nasty, and although chivalry has been watered down to chauvinism nowadays, I'd still very much like to keep my nice guy image.

Time to make amends I guess?

Could that have been you?

I honestly doubt so.

I understand that there may be a possibility that the messages were meant for me.

But as it stands, I have already decided to make a move from tumblr, thus this I will continue my love for writing.

In the same breath, I have also decided to put our communication to a halt; whether it is temporary or indefinitely, I do not know.

But as much as I'm concerned, it's best to euthanize the dog before it dies a miserable death. Similar to our conversation, it was already decaying to a point where the conversations were pretty much of the same context as a casual conversation with a casual someone. I harbor not an ounce of interest in shallow waters.

Goodbye friend, those times have been great. I deeply regret so, but the pain cannot go on.
Using my old self as comparison, this time I'm sure there's a difference.

I'm going to put my foot down when it comes to bullshit.

There's usually a first for everything, so I'm going to let it slide.

The second time is usually never a coincidence, contrary to the usual saying.

It's a hint that needs to be taken and acted upon.
Beautiful, just beautiful.

"The only true paradise is paradise lost."

So true indeed.

Feb. 9th, 2018

I enjoy teaching, and it seems like I really do.

I'm glad you made the move to get a mic, now we're starting to have something to talk about.

More than willing to share whatever I can with you.
I honestly have no idea where this conversation is going.

But at the very least, don't tell me how I should live my life. Why, just because I don't go posting snippets on my non-literal nightlife behaviour is indicative of a lack of interest in living?

You are so wrong. But hey:

You might be leading a perfectly ideal if not normal life now. I don't know.

You might already have a resolution to all the concerns you raised previously. I don't know.

The fact of the matter is that, I don't need to know -- anymore.

Heck, I don't even know why there was even a need to break the silence. Not that it's impossible to remain as friends, but it's nigh impossible to go back to how we were before.

If you were expecting the same treatment as what it was before, I can assure you it probably will never happen again.

Just look forward to whatever the future has in store for us, and never look back again. That's all I'm telling myself.

Jan. 23rd, 2018

Dear 2018,

What a start to a new year!

The changes have come faster than expected, and it seems that some of the residue from 2017 have spilled over to 2018.

Truth be told, and as ironic as it may be, I'm reluctant to go out because of you. Much as I'd like to admit that whatever I've been through in 2017 is an important lesson, it has caused what I would have liked to call my tide of embracing a new change, or specifically a person in my life, to recede.

I met a new girl whom I might have stood a chance with if I were still me in 2017, but sadly it's already out the window with the current me.

Perhaps, time will heal everything with someone new, in a much later time.



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